This week I haven’t felt particularly entertained. There weren’t as many sharable internet gags. I feel let down. People of the internet, you have let me down!

Where are the 80s accordion songs? Where are all of the amusing yet short lived internet memes? Where were all the cats!? Sometimes I feel like the internet has failed me. Sure, I can look up the Oxford English Dictonary of “community” when someone asks for it on twitter and yes, it’s a great source for news and information if you don’t have cable (guilty!) but when the most entertained you’ve been all week  was watching Melissa & Joey on Netflix, something is wrong.

Do you hear that people of the internet? I had to resort to former child stars on a new television show for entertainment! I think it’s time we stepped up our game. I’m expecting a lot more from you next week. I want hipsters and Rube Goldberg machines. I want guinea pigs in funny hats! I want clever witticisms and one liners. Heck I’d even settle for a new list of Harry Potter pick up lines. But no matter what it is get it together and get it together fast. I hear there’s another season of Melissa & Joey on Netflix now and so help me if I have to watch it…there will be hell to pay.

“….and it’s always February 2nd, and there’s nothing I can do about it!”

Good news for all those into the idea of celebrating made-up holidays like Flag Day or Chanukkah. Today is February 2nd, which means it’s Groundhog Day, that special day on the calendar where the national media focuses in on an over-sized rat in an irrelevant town in Pennsylvania. Anyone who graduated from kindergarten knows the deal; if the groundhog sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of winter, and if he doesn’t, spring blooms pre-March and Al Gore makes another documentary. It’s all there in L. Ron Hubbard’s Scientology: A New Slant On Life.

In case my sarcastic-enthusiasm isn’t coming off strong enough, let me reiterate; Groundhog Day is Dumb, and anyone who actually believes a beaver-wannabe named Punxsutawney Phil (a drug-dealer nickname if there ever was one) can predict the weather probably should have been beaten publicly by a sex-starved nun a long time ago. The only true reason to celebrate this fictional holiday is that Comedy Central will usually just put Bill Murray’s Groundhog Day on repeat.

(Side Note: Has there ever been a ska-punk rock band named the Punksutawney Phil’s? If not, I shot it. Also, shoot me an e-mail if you want to join my new ska-punk band.)

In a Dr.Evil-esque technological development, scientists in Switzerland have designed a weather control laser. Perhaps weather control is a bit of an overstatement, but the laser can make it rain, literally.

Different rain professionals have been responding with a mix of terror, awe, and delight. Weatherwomen Michel Meelei said “This could be bad news in a tight economy for weather persons. What are we going to report? ‘Laser shot into sky again, making it 68 and sunny’”. Rain dancers, umbrella manufactures, and little girls jumping in puddles expressed similar concerns.

Some, however, look at the weather laser and see opportunity. Entrepreneur Jim Green, CEO of Two of Every Animal, said “It’s clear sometime soon this laser will fall into terrorist hands, leading to some kind of biblical style flooding.  People are going to need arks and I will be the one to provide them”

There are, however, some flaws in the laser’s design. For one, it only work on humid air, so Arizonans, we won’t be shooting lasers at you… for now.

The laser is still years from completion but already the Swiss team envisions thousands of practical uses for the laser. Dr Ferzmig said “With this technology we can finally end droughts, stop tsunamis, and create enough rain to submerge France, freeing Switzerland from land lock.”

It’s been more than a year since Bristol Palin shocked the nation by splitting with the father of her son Tripp, Levi Johnston, just two months after the baby’s birth. This came after the two of them had pledged to start their family as husband and wife and also after controversy and rumors had died down about whether Sarah’s youngest son Trig might in fact be her grandson.

Bristol has gone on to preach abstinence in public service announcements and posed in Harper’s Bazaar with Tripp; Levi appeared on the The Tyra Banks Show posed for a spread in Playgirl magazine. In that issue of Harper’s, Bristol also says that Levi is “a stranger” to her.

But on a recent appearance on Good Morning America, young Bri said that she and Levi “are turning a new page here as co-parents to this wonderful boy and putting aside the past because doing so is in Tripp’s best interest.”

Additional sources insist that Levi even stays over some nights, while other unnamed sources says that the young parents have gotten back together.

Mama Palin has certainly been making the talk show rounds herself since her failed bid for U.S. Vice President in 2008. alternates between talking junk about her daughter’s baby daddy (“I hear he goes by the name ‘Ricky Hollywood’ now,” she said to Oprah last November) and more gracious words (“He’s young and learning.”).

It sounds though that good parenting, and the couple’s love for their son, are trumping politics, petty feelings, and past history. It’s a good sign for young Tripp, and perhaps a new kind of family values.

Big Ben has been in the news recently, defending himself again charges of sexual assault. This is his second time being questioned for sexual assault in two years. In 2009 a hotel employee sued the football star for sexual assault and battery, false imprisonment, and infliction of emotional distress over an alleged 2008 encounter. Roethlisberger denied those claims and that suit is ongoing. In both cases, the facts have been unclear and Roethlisberger has been let off with a slap on the wrist.

Whether you’re suspending all judgement until he is proven guilty by a court or not, you’ll probably burn his jersey after reading his police report.

According to TMZ, and many other sources, the Sergeant involved in the most recent case has resigned, in order to avoid being fired. Apparently, Sgt. Blash, the officer on the scene who was busy being photographed with Roethlisberger just after the incident, was spouting speculation at the onset of the investigation, referring to the accuser as a “f**king b**ch” while telling her friends that, “Roethlisberger has a lot of money,” and in filing a report they “would be wasting their time.”

In his Tonight Show re-premier, Jay Leno raked in some big ratings last night. In the metered household between 11:30 p.m. and 12:30 a.m. the Tonight show dominated CBS’ Late Show.

Jay Leno’s big premier had a 5.4/14 (household rating/share), knocking the long-runner David Letterman, with only 3.0/8 out of the late-night top spot.

But it was the opening night, so we’ll see how many people were only tuning in to see the impending train wreck of the Jay Leno’s return, and how many people are actual fans and happy he’s back. It’s pretty certain that many people tuned in to hear Leno’s remarks about the NBC/Conan fiasco but not much was said, leaving the gossip hungry viewer out in the cold.

He’s got some big name guests this week, so perhaps his ratings will continue to reign the late-night block. Tonight’s guest is the publicity-hungry maverick Sarah Palin. So Jay can probably bank on more high ratings tonight and for the rest of the week.

Yesterday, we started to dish on some of the country’s top celebrity restaurants, but the full list was simply too long to squeeze into a single post. Behold, even more celeb-owned places to eat and drink!

San Francisco’s Rubicon restaurant serves up a mix of French and California cuisine with a major wine selection. Rubicon is co-owned by Francis Ford Coppola, Robert De Niro and Robin Williams, and all of the glass in the restaurant is done by renowned artist Dale Chihuly.

If you are looking for a really cool sports bar in the Arizona area, you have to check out Cooperstown Sports Bar & Grill — owned by none other than ‘70s goth rocker Alice Cooper! Popular dishes here include the tuna casserole, meatloaf sandwich, pasta, and pork BBQ ribs. And despite its celebrity owner, this restaurant is also known for its remarkably reasonable prices.

Looking for another place outside of California and New York? Then you’ll love the Tree Room, located in Sundance, Utah! This high-end but moderately priced restaurant is owned by Robert Redford. The food here is supposed to be some of the best mountain cuisine in the country, including dishes such as buffalo, salmon and venison. Gosh, I’m hungry already!

What’s better than a Celeb? A couple of celebrities! You gotta admit, while Angelina Jolie (Wanted, The Good Shepherd, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider) is a hottie all on her own, by tossing in some good old Brad Pitt (Inglourious Basterds, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind) the duo becomes even more interesting! Especially when they make movies and their life together. It’s double the fun without double the work.

Most of the celebs will respect their better halves personal life and not say things they should about daily going ons and movies, sometimes they slip – in comes people like us! I like knowing what is going on in the Celebrity World. It’s interesting. I’m not one of those people that crave the heartbreak, the dirty details and the earth shattering news though. Maybe you do? Maybe you like hearing about Lindsay Lohans newest drug of choice. Or maybe you like hearing about who Tara Reid is with now!

Maybe you belong to all the blogs and all the social networks like Faceobok and twitter so you can find out all the dirt about your favorite celebs! Either way, we have you completely set on the who’s who and the what’s what. You need news? We got you covered! Everything from deaths and births, to cheats and lies and everything else in between! Heck, you might even find out things on our blog that you never knew before!

The dining table at the Osmond family Thanksgiving feast will have all the fixings — turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce and a mirrored disco ball trophy.

“It will be a nice little centerpiece,” Donny Osmond, 51, joked Wednesday, just 24 hours after he and partner Kym Johnson won Season Nine of Dancing with the Stars.

Though it had been a busy few days for the oldest contestant to win the mirrored trophy, it was business as usual Wednesday in Las Vegas at his show, Donny and Marie.

Ribbing his sister, Marie Osmond, also a former Dancing contestant, the former teen idol brought out the trophy during the opening number of their show at the Flamingo Hotel and asked the audience, “Do I even let her touch this?” The sold out crowd, as expected, cheered loudly and clapped.

The trophy stood on a piano during a large portion of the show before Marie, who finished third in her season, had it sent backstage.

“Could my brother be more obnoxious,” she joked. “I told him that he better win, but let’s see him do it in 6-inch heels. But I am extremely proud of him. He worked so hard for it.”

With all that work, Osmond said he lost 20 lbs during his time on the show. But as good as winning feels, it hurts just as bad, Osmond said. “Everything hurts. There are muscles I didn’t know I had that hurt.”

In the end, though, it was all about his partner. “You got to know the dynamics backstage amongst all the professionals to appreciate it, but everyone was rooting for (Johnson). It was her year.”

Turns out the seemingly fake alcohol problem being pumped up in recent episodes of the MTV hit, The Hills wasn’t so fake after all.   Media outlets learned this past week that Stephanie Pratt, sister of evil Svengali Spencer Pratt and sister-in-law of famous-for-being-famous Heidi Pratt, is checking into a residential alcohol rehab facility as part of her plea bargain on a misdemeanor DUI charge in Los Angeles.

For weeks, fans and critics of the show had argued that producers were creating a fake storyline involving Ms. Pratt’s drinking in an effort to pump up failing ratings that have been in a tailspin this season.   The show lost it’s lead character and focal point Lauren Conrad last year when she decided to trade in life on a reality show for…actual reality.

No word on the location of Stephanie’s rehab, or how it will be portrayed on the show (if it all).