“There is a scene in this film where a character is defecated on by several people at the same time, and I dunno … I didn’t enjoy it.” – a sentence from Rodger Ebert’s review of Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie (more…)

I love the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, OK? I love them. I’ve played all the video games, I own the movies that matter (he third one can be erased from existence for all I care), and my clear favorite by a landslide is Leonardo. And when I heard they’d be doing a new TMNT movie, half CGI, half action, I was intrigued. But now that Johnathan Liebesman, the guy who brought us Battle: L.A., is in negotiations to be the director… well, I think my facepalm was just heard by the entire universe.

See, it was bad enough Michael Bay was named as a producer some time ago. Then it got a little bit better when the Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol writers came on to rewrite the script. But now I’ve gone and lost all hope again. If Liebesman gets signed on… I’m not sure I’ll be able to deal. I want to embrace the idea of a new movie but some things may be better off left untouched.

The turtles are a huge part of my upbringing, let’s not mess this up now. I’ll stick to re-watching the original live action film and quoting it when the timing is appropriate.

“Cricket? You gotta know what a crumpet is to understand cricket!”

I enjoyed the Bourne movies.  In fact, I have all three DVDs.  I enjoyed Matt Damon as Jason Bourne.  Having just found out that a fourth movie, The Bourne Legacy, is coming out I am very much looking forward to it. (more…)

Guys, have you heard it’s half time in America?! This is good news as for most of us as we were already accepting that it was not only the fourth quarter for America but for the entirety of the planet. Everything changed yesterday though, you see we had asked ourselves “If we can’t trust the Mayans who can we trust?” Luckily an advertisement reminded us of the obvious answer to that question, Clint Eastwood.  (more…)

“….and it’s always February 2nd, and there’s nothing I can do about it!”

Good news for all those into the idea of celebrating made-up holidays like Flag Day or Chanukkah. Today is February 2nd, which means it’s Groundhog Day, that special day on the calendar where the national media focuses in on an over-sized rat in an irrelevant town in Pennsylvania. Anyone who graduated from kindergarten knows the deal; if the groundhog sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of winter, and if he doesn’t, spring blooms pre-March and Al Gore makes another documentary. It’s all there in L. Ron Hubbard’s Scientology: A New Slant On Life.

In case my sarcastic-enthusiasm isn’t coming off strong enough, let me reiterate; Groundhog Day is Dumb, and anyone who actually believes a beaver-wannabe named Punxsutawney Phil (a drug-dealer nickname if there ever was one) can predict the weather probably should have been beaten publicly by a sex-starved nun a long time ago. The only true reason to celebrate this fictional holiday is that Comedy Central will usually just put Bill Murray’s Groundhog Day on repeat.

(Side Note: Has there ever been a ska-punk rock band named the Punksutawney Phil’s? If not, I shot it. Also, shoot me an e-mail if you want to join my new ska-punk band.)

Fox News has had it out for The Muppets ever since their latest film The Muppets came out in November, and with good reason. According to Fox the Muppets spread dangerous propaganda with the intent of “Brainwashing our kids”. Films stars Kermit the Frog and Mrs. Piggy said the claims were “laughable” as seen in the video below.

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Hey guys! It’s Oscar nomination day and you know what that means! Complaining! (more…)

Move over Hollywood because there is a new player in the game high-budget action movies. I am speaking of course about Ghana. Just check out the trailer for the upcoming movie 2016 (the sequel to the wildly successful 12:00 franchise)

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Today is Friday the 13th. Not the only Friday the 13th this year (there will be three of them, what a lucky year 2012 is!) but the first. And for Friday the 13th, there’s only one thing you can do. Celebrate Jason Voorhees.

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I am a snob. Just last week I nearly got into a fist fight with my little brother because I rolled my eyes at something he was excited about. This can be a real problem but when it comes to culture it means that I like way better shit than you. Of course there are ways that you can fake your way into cultural snobbery. One easy tip I can offer is checking out the films of the Criterion Collection. (more…)