The GOP nominees for President are a strange batch. You have a man who’s name is synonymous with a body fluid cocktail(Santorum, google it), you have a guy who thinks Ben Bernanke is a traitor and up until recently was open to his state seceding from the country. You have the lady with the crazy eyes and the CEO of the fifth largest pizza chain in the country and that’s not even all. (more…)

An event is only as good as it’s Tweets and in the case of the 5.8 magnitude earthquake that just rocked the east coast of the United States it seems this event has gone pretty well. Here are some of our favorite tweets of New York Earthquake 2011. (more…)

The news of the last few days has been rough. We all know it. Congressman Barney Frank knows it too. Here he tries to talk economy but he does us all a far greater service. He selflessly and seemingly obliviously loudly farts on national television. This should lighten our emotional load(and his digestive one) a little bit.

There are literally hundreds of ways to celebrate your patriotism. You’ve got the old fashioned shooting off fireworks and eating piles of meat, like our forefathers did. You can celebrate American cultural dominance by seeing Michael Bay’s Über-American Idiot Explosion porn spectacle Transformers 3 in 3D IMAX or celebrate our cultural dominance with the charms of Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts in Larry Crowne.

However to me there is only one way to celebrate the majestic beauty of this great land of ours and that is by pushing around people that are smaller than you. Sure, the United States of America was founded by little guys trying to rid themselves of an imperialistic super-power but now we are the FUCKING super power and my emphatic use of the word FUCKING just FUCKING proves how badass we are without even trying. So if you see someone smaller than you on this the birthday of the Greatest Country To Ever Rock The FUCK out of this planet then just FUCKING knock that little piece of shit on the ground. It’s what Benjamin Franklin would have done, Abe Lincoln too. And if you see a larger than yourself American coming your way you have two options; you can A) be a complete FUCKING puss and get out of his way or you can B) take your lumps and show that large American that they FUCKING rock and you are a miniature failure to your country.

Happy 4th of FUCKING July you little pieces of shit.

Dr. Michael Kamrava, Octomom’s (Nadya Suleman), overseeing fertility doctor, was accused by the Medical Board of California of negligent treatment. Oh, gee, a real shocker! Because, you know, implanting that many embryos must be standard practice… not. There are so many jokes I can make about this and I can’t let them all slide, so from now on I will refer to Dr. Kamrava as Doc Ock.

You know I always wondered how Octomom became, well, Octomom. I mean, even with fertility treatments most people will have one, two, maybe three kids. But EIGHT?! Clearly somewhere along the way here, Doc Ock forgot to read his “How to Be a Careful Doctor” manual. And who wants that many kids? You think somewhere along the way he’d ask, “Don’t you think that’s a bit much?” It’s like alcohol, you just have to cut them off at some point and say, “No more!”

The most troubling aspect in this entire case, however, is that as her doctor he should have given her a limit. Recommended egg implants are not to exceed five, let alone repeated treatments. It’s just not safe for the mother or the children. The icing on the cake is that Octomom isn’t the only patient that caused the medical board to cringe. Apparently two other patients have suffered complications as a result of his fertility treatments.

All things considered, I also blame the state. Octomom has been around for some time so it’s even scarier that it took this long for the Medical Board of California to speak up and actually revoke his license.

Ladies, you’ve waited for this for a whole year now, maybe longer(sicko). Today is the birthday of Justin Bieber. He turns 17, which means in most states it is now legal to take him to bed.

Today is the day that his youthful moxy turns in to pure unadulterated sexual heat. Or something… I don’t know.  Either way women of the world, today is your day, let your imaginations run wild. Perhaps your fantasies involve a Slip N’ Slide or a suggestive game of Hungry Hungry Hippos. I mean that’s totally weird but go with it! It’s not gross anymore. Well, it’s still a little gross.

For the past few weeks Charlie Sheen’s debauched lifestyle has been hot news. Little did we, the unsuspecting public know this problem runs way deeper. (more…)

Today is one of the happiest days of my life. I can finally not feel bad about drinking beer. Today, doctors reported that drinking beer is good for your health.

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