I think my brain just exploded when I read that headline. Ashton Kutcher, the guy who played the practically mentally challenged Kelso on That 70′s Show and the other challenged goof in Dude, Where’s My Car? and the guy who played ridiculous pranks on celebrities is supposed to play a brilliant entrepreneur who helped change the face of our technological world? Wait, this is a prank right? This movie will be like one giant episode of Punk’d?

The only similarity I can see is that Ashton Kutcher does resemble a young Steve Jobs. And that’s right where it ends, aside from Kutcher having a ridiculous amount of Twitter followers for some ungodly reason. Granted both are asses, but one is a genius and the other is…well…not so much. Filming begins in May while Kutcher is on break from Two and a Half Men. It will be directed by Joshua Stern who directed Swing Vote and will revolve around Jobs’ hippie days until he became co-founder of Apple in the 90s, but will not chronicle his later years.

This will not be the only Steve Jobs movie though. This one faces competition with Sony Pictures which is creating a movie based on the best-selling book by Walter Isaacson. No word on that though.

I have never seen an episode of Two and a Half Men. I am not bragging though I do think my taste is both morally and aesthetically superior to anyone who enjoys this program I have never seen. Thing is anything I have ever heard about the show has seemed totally crass in the most basic and unpleasant ways and there is at the moment a wealth of hilarious television sitcoms that deserve my attention. (more…)

AMC’s Mad Men came back last night and as any fan of the show likely expected we learned very little about what has happened in the time between when the last season ended and this season began. As expected Don got married to his secretary who is now working in creative, Joan had a baby, Pete moved to Connecticut, and more or less that is all we learned. (more…)

To be more accurate according to Craig Harvey, the Los Angeles County’s Chief Coroner, the final cause of Whitney Houston‘s death was drowning caused by atherosclerotic heart disease and cocaine use. (more…)

This coming Sunday marks the return of one of the great cultural entities of our young century. A television show dripping in nuance and intrigue. A show that is smarter than all of us and worth ever drop of salivation we have for it. It’s 18 month absence has been felt deep in many of our hearts but today I do not want to celebrate the genius of Mad Men(not yet at least). (more…)

George Clooney, Hollywood super hunk, was arrested yesterday protesting in front of the Sudanese embassy. Clooney, his father reporter Nick Clooney, NAACP president Ben Jealous, and US Representative Jim Moran of Virginia were given 3 orders by the police to stop blocking the entrance to the embassy. After the 3 warnings they were taken away in hand cuffs.

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Apparently the only kind of hits Ms. Lohan is currently able to make are with her vehicle. The former Disney starlet turned hot mess just hosted SNL in hopes that the stint would get her on the right track to a new career. Within weeks she now finds herself in hot water with authorities for bumping into a Hookah lounge manager with her Porsche. What really gets the LAPD upset is when those responsible for such acts flee the scene without filing a report. Lindsay, it looks like the the other track you need to get on is the one at the DMV.

The LAPD isn’t making any assumptions on this one. They want to hear Lohan’s testimony. After all, they only have one side to the story at this point. However, coming forward will work in her favor considering there are multiple eye witnesses claiming to have seen the occurrence. Having her deny it firsthand could tip the balance toward those who claim to have seen her drive away without any altercation.

Here’s to hoping Lindsay can pull herself together enough for the entertainment world. Until then we’ll continue to sit back and watch the mayhem unfold. It’s just another day star news with this one.

This weekend I was asked by a drunk person who owns a bar to drunkenly host a Star Wars costume contest. I am also a drunk person and a comedian so I felt this was right in my wheelhouse. Only problem is, I kind of hate Star Wars movies. Not just the new ones, all of them. They have aged poorly and in general belong to children. This is not that harsh a criticism but a Star Wars fan would have you believe otherwise.

So I showed up to this event wearing the simplest thumb in the eye costume I could muster. A plain t-shirt with the words “Cap’N Picard” on it. It was a tepid success but allowed me to get on stage with an awkward flair of antagonism. The resulting 2am costume contest was a shit show in the best way. “Nerds who want to participate in the costume contest get up here!” I yelled into a microphone. Those brave enough endured me forgetting the names of their characters repeatedly and just generally disrespecting their favorite franchise.

The winners, I don’t recall. Frankly in a Star Wars costume contest are there any actual winners? My verdict was a very snobby No!

Fans of twins are sure to be saddened by the news that the Olson twins will not be acting again, ever! Don’t worry though Elizabeth Olson will be staying in the acting game.

This may not come as a surprise to many people, considering they twins have not appeared in anything from years. The Olsons say that acting straight for 18 years kind of burn them out on the whole Hollywood thing. After a break to go to college in NYC they decided that it just wasn’t for them.

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“There is a scene in this film where a character is defecated on by several people at the same time, and I dunno … I didn’t enjoy it.” – a sentence from Rodger Ebert’s review of Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie (more…)