Sad news for all you ugly people out there. What was arguably the most beautiful couple that ever existed on the face of this Earth has called it quits. So good luck with that, married people who aren’t as attractive as Scarlett Johanssen and Ryan Reynold, meaning EVERYONE. Because, as I’ve said before, if those crazy, ridiculously-good-looking kids can’t make it work, what hope does that leave the rest of us? Also, side note, can we just for a second… OMG.

Jeez. If Eva Longoria can get cheated on, what hope does that leave for the rest of us?!

Jess G. just finished theorizing about what could possibly have attributed to the divorce of longtime couple Courteney Cox (is it safe now to go back to calling her Courteney Cox again? Boy, how dumb those Friends title sequences seem looking back now) and David Arquette. First of all, can I just get this off our collective chests? What the hell was THAT about?? Phew. Ok, now that that’s over with, let’s move on.

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Courtesy of my 2 year old son, Sruli:

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Well, the day that’s been 15 years in the making is finally here: 90210! And the internet has been aflutter with celebration today. Here are some highlights:

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Point:
As many of you know, the Emmy Awards took place Sunday night. The awards show itself was largely forgettable, but a highlight, if not the highlight, of the show was the opening sequence. While I thoroughly enjoyed the skit/performance, I couldn’t help but be reminded of another moment that took place 9 long years ago… And so I ask, was the Emmy opening not, for all intents and purposes, the 2010 version of the 2001 MTV Superbowl halftime show? Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoyed it last night, and I’m not trying to take anything away from it, because I was truly, absolutely giddy throughout the whole thing.

But my 16 year old self really enjoyed the 2001 superbowl halftime show, too. And so, I present to you a comparative study.

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In this age of celebrity gossip and over-saturation, it seems like everywhere we turn we’re bombarded with useless and ridiculous “news” about celebrities and their relationships. Well, let this blog post serve as my proverbial white flag. I surrender. Please, I beg of you, please stop thinking that I care about these celebrity relationships.

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I know that seemed like an unbearably unwieldy title (much like this sentence is turning out to be), but bear with me. I mean, how else can I describe the adventure we’re about to embark on together, into the wonderful world of spontaneous blurting of recording directions and comments, and just altogether bizarre statements made in songs? Let us begin, shall we?

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Last night on America’s Got Talent, little Jackie Evancho pulled a major Susan Boyle and blew away the judges and the audience with a performance way beyond her years. 11 year old Evancho, who submitted a Youtube audition to the show as part of a special viral-themed contest, sang the operatic classic “O Mio Babbino Caro” with poise and pure, unadulterated talent, which is hard to find in this day and age of Auto Tune and empty, soul-less radio pop. Watch Jackie’s performance and see for yourself. I’ll give you a hundred bucks if it doesn’t give you chills.

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News this week about “The Glamour Project” giving homeless women free makeovers got me thinking about the popular movie genre, the “makeover movie.” There seems to be a makeover montage in most chick flicks nowadays. You know the one, start with a close-up of the eyebrow plucking and waxing, move onto the dressing room fashion show, and of course, end with the now-epic slo-mo walk down the stairs, swing the hair back a couple of times, and watch the date’s jaw drop.

Whether it’s to get the guy, get the country or get the job, someone, usually one who’s already hot by normal standards, ends up with a makeover.  It’s like, “let’s stick a pair of glasses on her! That’ll really mess her face up beyond all hotness recognition!”

However, contrary to popular belief, transforming your lead character from ugly/ meek/ plain into “Sandy?!!”  isn’t a new plot device. This ‘take a really interesting, relatable character and make her HOT’ storyline has been popping up in popular movies all the way back to “the rain in Spain stays mainly on the plain.” I now lovingly (and snarkily) present to you the esteemed history of the Movie Makeover. We’ll even assign each selection a rank on the “Was she hot already?” 1-10  scale, just for fun.

My Fair Lady- 1964

Based on the play Pygmalion, My Fair Lady is the classic story of a cockney girl from the streets of London who is transformed into a beautiful and proper woman. Hilarity ensues. Trust me. Audrey Hepburn plays the role of Eliza Doolittle to perfection. This movie gave us a whole slew of catchphrases, like the epic, aforementioned “rain in Spain…” and “Come on Dover!”

Was She Hot Already: 3.5 (more…)