Steve Jobs believes that Foxconn is “pretty nice” for a factory, and now, after Foxconn employees will get a no-suicide incentive of 30% salary increase, Jobs himself might actually consider working there.

“You go in this place and it’s a factory but, my gosh, they’ve got restaurants and movie theaters and hospitals and swimming pools.” Yes, there are 400,000 people living in that factory, it’s a good idea to have a hospital and a restaurant there, maybe a swimming pool. I mean, what did you have in mind Mr. Jobs? A factory that looks like your 1984 commercial?

The base salary at Foxconn is around 900 Yuan, or $130 per month, so imagine the possibilities after the raise. These guys are going to be millionaires. Ye, no. not really. A Foxconn employee still makes less money than the average Chinese worker.

Still, they seem very happy according to Jobs’ calculations, as Foxconn’s suicide rate is “Under the US suicide rate of 11 per 100000 people.” Oh give me a break! Your factory might be a ghetto, but it’s not New York City. The suicide rate demographics that you talk about differ in age, social and economical status, while all of Foxconn suicides happen to overworked people in their 20’s.

And hey, how about this one, Mr. Jobs: Apple has around 40,000 employees. According to your statistics, and the US suicide rate that you give, it should be normal if 4 of your employees will commit suicide each year.

So please Mr. Jobs, show statistics when you brag about iPad sales, but not when discussing people’s lives.

Not exactly entertaining but definitely something that cannot be ignored, you dear EM!! readers might have noticed that Israel is in deep shit. Nope, this latest incident doesn’t look good and Israel fucked up big time when its impotent leaders fell right into the trap of the so called “humanist” or “peace” group that used wild and uncontrollable violence and turned itself into modern day “so you think you can be martyrs.”

Sorry to tell you folks but the ship wasn’t carrying anything that can be counted as what you’d call “humanitarian aid.” These media thirsty savages wanted publicity, just as one of the ship’s passengers oh so proudly declared: “Right now we face one of two happy endings: either Martyrdom or reaching Gaza.”

So perhaps the 9 passengers that were killed by the Israeli soldiers now enjoy a mojito with 72 virgins in heaven, but Israel just descended to the 9^th circle of media hell. There isn’t much good to say for either sides, not about the blood thirsty “peace activists” that were on board the flotilla, and definitely not about Israel who decided to go all blitzkrieg on a crumbling raft floating on international water.

Still, let’s imagine a post 9/11 scenario where a vessel approaches the shores of New York without authorization of U.S. border control. A plane, a ship or a man with a propeller up his ass, I’m sure that there will be no questions asked, no leeway time, just an accurate missile to blow the damn thing into tiny bits of good old American freedom.

I guess that the Israeli government didn’t want to blow up anybody, so they “just” deployed commando soldiers with paintball guns and flowers in their hair. Some imbecile in the IDF must have thought that the lovely sight of Israeli Navy Seals coming down a helicopter will bring stoic karma the people on the ship who will immediately engage the ancient peace dance and welcome the soldiers in open arms. Well, it didn’t happen. And instead they welcomed the soldiers with clubs, knives, chairs and metal rods, and were even nice enough to give the unarmed soldiers a tour of the boat, by throwing them from the upper deck to the lower deck. How sweet.

Here’s a video showing you the etiquette of hospitality by those who call themselves peace activists:

Now again, I’m not saying that the Israeli Government did anything that should be written in the books of good decision making, oh no, more than anything else right now I would like to deploy Israel’s leaders into that ship so they can also enjoy the manners of those barbaric animals and their batting equipment. Hey Israel! There are other ways that a democracy should deal with problems – you cannot count on the army to fix all your shit.

I guess that here at EM!! we want everybody to realize how this entire situation is a terrible clusterfuck and the last thing we should do is start clubbing each other to death. There are two extremely troubling sides to this crazy equation, and both of them lead a cutthroat approach in order to deal with a delicate situation. You can’t end violence with violence and it doesn’t matter if you are a country or a peace activist.

If the Israeli and Arab leadership will continue to see themselves as martyrs, we better start digging a whole lot of graves.

Coolest kid on the Indonesian block is, without any doubt, Ardi Riza – the adorable 2 year old Marlboro Man. Riza is puffing smoke like crazy, inhaling 2 packs a day (you know kids, no limits..) and he’s been on the cancer shtick since he was an 18 months rabble.

Kids defiantly do the darndest things, and little Riza is the new internet sensation. Bill Cosby said “puddin.” The tar baby does magic with his ciggy, twists it around like a baton and his mama says he just can’t do without a butt in his mouth:

“”He’s totally addicted. If he doesn’t get cigarettes, he gets angry and screams and batters his head against the wall.” Now here’s a video I’d pay to watch!

ABC showed the video to some good hearted Americans, most of them were appalled, saying “That’s horrible, that is sick, he’s basically got no chance in life for anything.” And yes, this is wrong. And horrible. I mean, what’s your problem? It’s just a cigarette man! Why would you say that the kid got no chance in life? Jeez. Maybe he’s sucking on cigarettes cause he’s trying to quit sucking on the pacifier? Maybe he’s on a diet and doesn’t want to look like this kid. Maybe he smokes for inspiration? Or maybe he smokes because he just wants to be accepted by the kids in the boys room. You don’t know, so don’t do the judging alright?

“I was watching movies like Poltergeist and Amityville Horror. Why don’t the people just get the hell out of the house? … You can’t make a horror movie with black people in it ‘cuz the movie’d stop, you’d see niggers runnin’ down the street, the movie’s over!”

Eddie Murphy, SNL, Season 8

Amityville Horror House is up for sale. It’s the perfect place for a young couple who loves the paranormal life and just dies to go insane, The Shining style.

Yup, they say that the lovely Dutch Colonial house on Long Island’s 112 Ocean Avenue is still very hunted by the DeFeo family, all murdered execution style by Ronald DeFeo Jr.  their oldest son.

The house has been through some serious renovation and face lift, and the owner guarantees that blood was thoroughly cleaned off the walls. No, but seriously, the house has nothing to with what it used to look like in life and in the movies.  So any buyers?

Hey, it’s a steal, and the movies are not even that scary. I mean, what’s so terrifying about a half naked Ryan Reynolds??

Still, here at EM!! we all agreed that you shouldn’t move to the house if your last name is Lutz.

Thank you, everybody, for restoring EM’s faith in the human race. Yes people, we might have a chance to survive, we certainly have a backbone and we’re definitely not gonna take this anymore!

Hey Zuckerberg , you just got poked.

There’s a bad wind blowing around Facebook for quite some time now, but this week turned into a hurricane when everybody realized that the Zuck can’t keep his mouth shut and your privacy protected.

So as of today, “How do I delete my Facebook account” is on the top 10 most searched terms in Google. It’s actually the most popular “how do I” even more popular than “how do I know if im pregnant” or “how do I download youtube videos”.

Facebook users who decided to delete their accounts now say their farewell on, how ironic, a Facebook delete your account group, offering a “National Delete Your Facebook Account Day” which EM!! is totally for. Imagine a day of face to face conversations, B-B-Qs, beer, Macy’s mega sale and minus three hundred friends to care about.

All it takes is following a few “How Do I Delete My Facebook Account” steps.

And then what?

I don’t know.

Just tweet about it or something.

“I hate Macs. I have always hated Macs. I hate people who use Macs. I even hate people who don’t use Macs but sometimes wish they did. Macs are glorified Fisher-Price activity centres for adults; computers for scaredy cats too nervous to learn how proper computers work; computers for people who earnestly believe in feng shui.”

-    Charlie Brooker, The Guardian

Now if I ever did consider purchasing an Apple product, this week’s happenings finally made me realize that my gut feeling was right – Apple is indeed evil. Feng shui my ass. I don’t care how cool or useful their products may be because Apple is turning into one of those greedy monsters what we all hate so much, but surprisingly, we’re still too dumb to do something about it.

We had the entire iPhone 4 incident, the breaking into journalists houses and the brilliant John Stewart “hey Jobs, meet me at camera 3” treatment, and if that’s not enough, Apple really showed their true rotten inside when they announced that Lala is going down.

Lala was my 9 to 5 savior. That magical cloud of music helped me through those long hours of work. And then Apple bought Lala. And then Apple closed Lala.

What a dick move!

And it’s really the lowest of the low. Buying a company and shutting it down. Way to go Apple. We thought you’re an alternative, but like Stewart commented, Apple turned into the Man, the big brother, and everybody’s still using their crap!

Did you sit in a New York café lately? Did you see what’s going on? It looks like a freakin cult! Everybody has the same goddamn computer! What’s wrong with us?! Where is that good old American individualism that we praise so much?

Maybe we should all wear the same shirt while we’re at it?

There’s no more cool factor in buying Apple.  Not from a company that can’t deal with competition. Not from a company that wants domination over the market. That’s just scary.

And breaking into a journalist’s house and taking his computer? That’s just Fascist.

What really bums me the most is that I used to have a choice. I chose not to use Apple products. Not to buy an iPhone, iPod, iWhatever. I didn’t want to use iTunes and I didn’t want anyone to tell me what I can or cannot install on my computer. But now Apple crossed over and entered my life without permission and closed one of my favorite music sites.

And I don’t like it.

The horror movie fan is destined to a life in a limbo full of crappy films. Sure, there’s always this excitement when a new film comes out, but most of the time it’s followed by a huge disappointment, especially when you’re bombarded with silly PG-13 remakes of Nightmare on Elm St.

But I honestly can’t remember the last time I felt so ambivalent towards a new horror movie, as I do with The Human Centipede (First Sequence).

Like in most of the genre’s films, this sick little flick has two hot chicks road tripping through European nowhere.

Night, rain, car breaks down, knock on the door, “hello crazy weirdo German doctor! Can you help us?”

Now of course that the question is not whether the girls will or will not die, but more in the lines of “how will they die.” I mean, what sick, demented, repulsive deaths are left out there, especially after the torture porn of SAW and Hostel and the truly genre redefining French new-wave horrors in the likes of  “Martyrs” and “Haute Tension.”

Well, nobody ever surgically joined three people, mouth-to-ass, and turned them into a human centipede.

And then you go “damn, why didn’t I think about this first!”

And I don’t think I have anything else to say right now.

And you thought the new Kick-Ass movie was hardcore? Well, it seems that M.I.A woke up on the wrong side of bed this morning and released the most disturbing video clip you’ll see in the near future, or at least until the next SAW movie comes out.

Filmmaker Romian Gavras directed this shockingly graphic video that seems to be be heavily “inspired” by, and pretty much resembles Alfonso Cuarón “Children of Men” and Mel Gibson’s “Apocalypto.” The video, as you probably imagined, features a birthday cake, butterflies, a rainbow and a Care Bear.

No, not really… They actually shoot a kid in the head. Point blank.

“Born Free” is the song and there’s not much of it actually. Not much of a song and not much of being born free. But there are exploding human bodies and unnecessary police brutality and there’s also a message behind it. And it’s really not that deep or complicated. And no, it doesn’t “raise more questions than answers” like others have blogged.

The commentary is so obvious and delivered in this overblown in-your-face kinda way and you actually get tired pretty quickly.

But when M.I.A sings:

I throw this in your face when I see ya
I got something to say
I throw this shit in your face when I see ya
Cause I got something to say

You realize that… well… she really got something to say, I guess.

Now don’t get me wrong, it’s great that singers care and not just about being on the charts, especially when morons are profiling people in Arizona and war is just boring no-news.

But let’s just say that EM!! prefers a more Erykah Badu like statements.

Here’s some good news to all of you nerdy-gadgety-kindle-nook-worms out there. First, with the iPad hitting the streets and all, you might be less of a douche-bags with your nifty little reading machines. Second, there are some cool innovations in the sucky E-Ink technology that Apple is trying to bury with its fancy color touch screens and whatnots.

The nitty gritty? Well, E-Ink display 2.0 will still focus on reading (ye… seriously, what’s that all about?) but also promises to deliver new animation possibilities and double contrast ratio. Here, take a look at this Youtube video:

Seems pretty cool huh? Not sure how Avatar 3D will look on your electronic readers, but hey, you were probably aware of that when you decided to buy a book on batteries.

Anyway, for more relevant and less futuristic news, if you are the proud owner of a Barnes and Nobel’s nook device, then congratulations! While you were dreaming of the local librarian lady, the one with the mini-skirt, you’re nook celebrated its 1.3 update. It’ll make your nook flip pages faster and now you can also go to any B&N store and read any book that you’d like, free of charge (although I’m not sure you’d be able to flip the entire Moby Dick – in store reading is limited to one hour per book).

Plus, there’s a new web browser beta, and also little games, Chess and Sudoku, or basically everything that will distract you from what the machine was meant to do originally – be a book!

EM!! Tip: if you are an Apple employee who’s trusted with the next generation iPhone and you decide to get sh#@faced in a California beer garden – don’t take your super secret iPhone 4 with you. And if you do take it… don’t leave it behind. Just don’t. Because you might get hanged. Seriously.

Gary Powell (a former?) Apple software engineer, left the next generation iPhone next to his empty beer glass, ruined years of legendary Apple secrecy codes and “impenetrable” security practices, and now, thanks to Gizmodo, the world knows how the “supposedly” iPhone 4 looks like.

And how does it look like? Well, basically like everything Apple. I mean, it doesn’t come in shiny nuclear green… It’s elegant, not too shabby, just the same old Apple classic design, minus the curviness that the previous generations had. It’s got a camera on the front, the company’s logo on the back, split buttons for volume, Micro-SIM instead of standard SIM and a pack of geeks that are drooling over it.

The thing is not really working and there was no way to check the operating system, but it looks sleeker and feels better than the old 3Gs. According to Gizmodo, “People who bought the 3G two years ago and are now in the perfect position to upgrade and get a dramatically different, and better, phone. If confirmed this summer, and if it performs as we expect, this next-generation iPhone looks like a winner.”

We just hope that the poor guy who lost the iPhone 4 will still be an Apple employee when this iPhone will hit the stores, and we’ll all have a good laugh about this incident. Heck, forget about being an Apple employee… EM!! hopes that the guy will just make it…  alive…