Do I dare admit that I closely followed Season 15 of The Bachelor, starring Texan Brad Womack, right up to its thrilling conclusion last week?

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Today is Friday 5 November, Guy Fawkes Night, which marks the occasion of the failed Gunpowder Plot of 5 November 1605. The plan was to blow up the House of Lords, and with it, King James I of England and VI of Scotland, all in the name of greater religious tolerance. But the scheming group of English Catholics fell flat on their face. Guy Fawkes, who was in charge of the blow-up operation, was not the stealthiest or smartest of assassins, and was found in the Parliament’s basement, right next to 36 barrels of gunpowder. He was promptly arrested. Tonight, show Fawkes how it should have been done by successfully setting off some fireworks.

Remember when Charlotte Church was little and cute and angelic? I was a sucker for her first album, “Voice of an Angel,” when it came out in 1998. She totally rocked it with songs like “Jerusalem” and “The Lord’s Prayer.” She was just so sweet when she was 12. Just half a decade later, she was a heavy smoker, branching into pop music with uninspiring songs like “Crazy Chick,” getting knocked up with a couple of kids, and generally slutting it up. Today, a news source reports that her eldest child, three-year-old Ruby, despises the paparazzi. Sigh. Here’s some Charlotte Church from days of old.

Disney’s Magic Kingdom may be magical for visitors, but it’s definitely not the “happiest place on earth” for its employees: A recent survey of the most desirable organizations to work for in the United States ranked Disney well below the U.S. Army. Disney came in at 41^st in the list, behind all four branches of the military. That’s right, many Americans would rather risk getting shot or blown up in Afghanistan than work at Disney’s theme parks, where hot dogs, fries and sodas are all readily available.

Disgruntled workers have dubbed the Disney theme parks “Mousewitz” because of the appalling conditions they are forced to work under: Staff are barely able to snatch a breath of fresh air in their Donald Duck costumes, are unable to enjoy access to natural light while maintaining the “It’s A Small World After All” ride, and are losing their hearing (and desire to ever have a child) because of exposure to thousands of hyperactive kids each day. Next time you see the wide grin of Mickey or Minnie Mouse, know that the person inside is actually staring back at you, scowling.

Charlie Sheen was doing the good father thing when he accompanied ex-wife Denise Richards to New York City to spend some quality time with their daughters. But, cut to Monday night, and police found Sheen in his hotel room drunk, naked and trashing the place in a rage because he thought his hooker, stashed away in a closet, had stolen his wallet. All the while, Richards and his two daughters were next door in a separate room.

Bad Charlie Sheen, right? Wrong. It turns out that Sheen was simply having an “adverse allergic reaction to some medication,” his publicist said today. Shame on us for thinking the worst of him. We can’t even count the number of times where we’ve gone on a family vacation, then suffered an allergic reaction in a trashed hotel room complete with a closet full of extra pillows and prostitutes. Really, this could have happened to anyone.

In more news on proposed bans from provinces overseas, a seaside town near Naples in Southern Italy wants to ban women from wearing miniskirts and other revealing clothing. Mayor Luigi Bobbio’s hope is that the ban would “restore urban decorum and facilitate better civil co-existence.” Offenders could be fined up to $700. This story makes me think of  Mussolini. And Mussolini makes me think of Hitler. And Hitler, of course, makes me think of cats that look like Hitler. Cats that look like Hitler are just so much more fun than potential bans on mini skirts.

In news just in, a group of Catholics in Germany has called for Santa Claus-free zones, saying that Santa Claus is “an invention of the advertising industry designed to boost sales” and has “little to do with the historical figure of St Nicolas.”

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If your mom just updated her Facebook status to say “I like it on the floor,” or your girlfriend just posted “I like it on the kitchen table,” let me let you in on a secret.  It’s October, and the women in your life are just showing their support for Breast Cancer Awareness Month by posting on Facebook “where they like to put their purse.”

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And now for the news you’ve been waiting for all summer: American Idol 2011’s new-look judging  panel. Simon Cowell is gone, and so are Kara DioGuardi and Ellen DeGeneres. Next year’s panel will consist of Jennifer Lopez, Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler, and Randy Jackson (for the tenth year).

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28-year-old Jodie Sweetin, aka Stephanie Tanner from “Full House”, has just become a mom for the second time. I guess this is good news for Jodie, who’s done more than enough to firmly establish herself on the list of Child Stars Gone Bad over the years (since the age of 14, she’s been busy with alcoholism, pot, coke, Ecstasy, crystal meth, two short-lived marriages, stints in rehab, and drink driving). This is her second child with Cody Herpin, who she divorced earlier this year. She’s got a deejay boyfriend, Morty Coyle, now.

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