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Groundhog Day 2012 – Whooooo Cares!?

2 Feb

groundhog

“….and it’s always February 2nd, and there’s nothing I can do about it!”

Good news for all those into the idea of celebrating made-up holidays like Flag Day or Chanukkah. Today is February 2nd, which means it’s Groundhog Day, that special day on the calendar where the national media focuses in on an over-sized rat in an irrelevant town in Pennsylvania. Anyone who graduated from kindergarten knows the deal; if the groundhog sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of winter, and if he doesn’t, spring blooms pre-March and Al Gore makes another documentary. It’s all there in L. Ron Hubbard’s Scientology: A New Slant On Life.

In case my sarcastic-enthusiasm isn’t coming off strong enough, let me reiterate; Groundhog Day is Dumb, and anyone who actually believes a beaver-wannabe named Punxsutawney Phil (a drug-dealer nickname if there ever was one) can predict the weather probably should have been beaten publicly by a sex-starved nun a long time ago. The only true reason to celebrate this fictional holiday is that Comedy Central will usually just put Bill Murray’s Groundhog Day on repeat.

(Side Note: Has there ever been a ska-punk rock band named the Punksutawney Phil’s? If not, I shot it. Also, shoot me an e-mail if you want to join my new ska-punk band.)

Tim Thomas, Boston Bruins Goaltender, Passes On Hanging With Obama

24 Jan

timthomas

It’s traditional that after winning a national championship, the individuals on a sports teams roster get invited to the White House to meet with the President. This tradition extends to the NFL, NBA, MLB, NHL, and most NCAA programs. Which is why on Monday the 2010-2011 Boston Bruins were in D.C. to meet with President Barack Obama one day before his State of the Union address.

Notably absent from the gathering, however, was Stanley Cup Playoffs Hero Tim Thomas. The Bruins goaltender issued the following statement following his decision to snub the O invite:

“I believe the Federal government has grown out of control, threatening the Rights, Liberties, and Property of the People.

“This is being done at the Executive, Legislative, and Judicial level. This is in direct opposition to the Constitution and the Founding Fathers vision for the Federal government.

“Because I believe this, today I exercised my right as a Free Citizen, and did not visit the White House. This was not about politics or party, as in my opinion both parties are responsible for the situation we are in as a country. This was about a choice I had to make as an INDIVIDUAL.

“This is the only public statement I will be making on this topic. TT”

For the record, I have no problem with what Thomas decided to do. He’s 100% correct that as a “Free Citizen” he has the right to turn down the trip. I just don’t get why. Seems like a trip to the White House is a pretty rare thing, and to pass up this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to protest some vague disappointment in our government as a whole seems silly.

Timmy, if you don’t want to go, send someone else in your place! Take some kid off of the Make A Wish List, or find some liberal looney from Beantown who’d be more than happy to represent you. Slap a fake beard and some goalie pads on Newt Gingrich and send him incognito. It’s like you got a gift certificate for free girl scout cookies but left it in your drawer until it expired. What a waste!

Most dissapointing, however, is Thomas’ lack of explanation. He just points a big ol’ glove hand at all three branches of the government, calls them “out of control,” and refuses to elabaorate. Just dull.

The idea that a professional athlete would turn down an opportunity to meet the President, and then NOT use that very platform to say something completely and blatantly moronic is nearly unbelievable. Claim its a protest of SOPA, blame the CIA for giving Central American dictators cancer, ask serious questions about the super-tall guy at Kim-Jong Il’s funeral, say something racist, Blame Obama for JoePa’s death, do SOMETHING that at least adds some flavor to the whole thing.

If you’re going to turn down a trip to the White House, the least you can do is give us some crazy conspiracy to make fun of you for believing in.

The Smurfs Movie – Lenin Would Be Proud

7 Jul

papa smurf soviet

The summer movie season typically comes with a lot of bang, and not very much buck. So far, 2011 has been no exception. Giant robots, dead-horse pirates, re-tread superheroes, and a new way to order the words “Fast” and “Furious.” It’s rare a true masterpiece can be found in the steaming pile of awful that is characteristic of Summer Cinema, but that’s not to say enjoyment isn’t present.

Michael Bay still brings great explosions. Jennifer Aniston is still attractive. And Johnny Depp still rocks a mean pirate. It may not be Casablanca, but it’s not exactly Human Centipede 2: Butt Bites Back, either.

However, what has so far been a quiet movie summer is about to get turned into a full-blown propaganda-filled celebration of evil in its most awful form. While many movie-goers may be getting frustrated by the abundance of sequels in their local cinemas, Hollywood is about to dig deep into its past and bring back one of America’s greatest villians: The Communists.

And they’ll be doing it in the form of little blue demons. (more…)

Shaq Retires

1 Jun

Shaq Retires

Coming straight from his twitter feed, the self-described Most Dominant Player of All Time, Shaquille O’Neal announced his retirement from the game of basketball today. While Shaq’s influence on the Association was non-existent this season, playing in a career low 752 minutes per game, his retirement will still shake the sports world like one of his thunderous, glass-shattering dunks… which we haven’t been witnesses to for like a dozen years now.

No one man is bigger than the game. But if there was ever any athlete even remotely close, it would probably be Shaq, a fact demonstrated through his plethora of different nicknames.

The Big Aristotle, The Hobo Master, The Diesel, Shaq Fu, The Big Daddy, The Big Agave, The Big Cactus, the Big Shaqtus, The Big Galactus, Wilt Chamberneezy, Dr. Shaq, the Big Shamrock, Shaqovic… the man was seemingly incapable of definition. He was as good for the game as he was good at it, and at the height of his playing career, I can think of no one more dominant.

However, the future is bright for Shaq and Shaq fans alike. The 15-time all-star earned himself an MBA online through the University of Phoenix, in the event that he’d one day “have to put down a basketball and have a regular 9-to-5 like everybody else,” but The Diesel at a Desk Job doesn’t seem too likely. Instead, look for TNT to swoop in and plant him next to Sir Charles Barkley in their pre and post game shows, which would offer viewers the most deep-voiced commentary in the history of sports analysis.

Or maybe he’ll take this opportunity to re-up his rap career. whatever the future holds in store for Shaq, we can’t wait.

View the video of Shaq announcing his retirement directly to the fans here

Snooki Crashes Car, Italy Displeased Yet Again

31 May

snooki

By Matt Conlin

Just when you thought Snooki couldn’t piss off Italy any more than she already has, she crashes her car into the police vehicle assigned to escort her. Looks like Ms. Polizzi is going to have to handle “la polizia.” How appropriate.

Yes, the pipsqueek with the heavy accent just can’t seem to avoid controversy. Maybe if she, along with her fellow cast members, focused on their driving skills instead of their GTL they wouldn’t always be so SOL. That, however, could be aiming a little high in expectations.

In any case, Jersey Shore is filming its fourth season in Florence, which, if I’m not mistaken, is not a seaside town in Jersey. Why do they call this show Jersey Shore? Aren’t they from Long Island anyway? If Snooki’s current misadventures are any signifier of things to come then we’re in for yet another deliciously guilty pleasure. I know I’m in for the ride, and at least in the comfort of my home Snooki won’t be driving my TV set.

 

Fred Wilpon Puts Best Foot Forward – Right Into His Mouth

24 May

wilpon

Today’s post is a contribution form NY Sports Digest writer and patron saint, Anthony Strait. Follow him on Twitter, or check out more of Ant’s stuff by CLICKING HERE.

By Anthony Strait

Just when it seemed like the New York Yankees were becoming the Bronx zoo and hogging the back pages, New York Mets owner Fred Wilpon insured his team will never lose the title as Champions of bad PR.

The Mets are exceeding expectations by overcoming a 5-13 start to climb back close to the .500 mark. Last week we saw the Yankees go into crisis mode following the Jorge Posada soap opera. This week it’s “Owners Gone Wild!” with Wilpon publically bashing three of his top players on the roster. In an interview with The New Yorker, he took jabs at Jose Reyes, David Wright and Carlos Beltran. What was suppose to be an article based on his rags-to-riches story turned into yet another reason why Mets fans would love nothing more than to see him sell the team to someone with a brain.

Some of the comments he made represent the kind of poor taste and classlessness that has played a part in the Mets being a Family Guy punch line. He slammed Reyes by stating he will not be getting a super-huge contract from the Mets.

“He thinks he’s going to get Carl Crawford money,” Wilpon says, referring to Crawford’s seven-year, $142 million contract with the Boston Red Sox. “He’s had everything wrong with him. He won’t get it.”

Granted, Reyes have had injuries the last few seasons that limited his playing time, but this year he is batting around .300 and is well on his way to being the Mets lone all star representative in Arizona come July. Wilpon forgot to mention that Reyes is a two-time all star and is as exciting a player to watch as there is. Even if (when) he is traded at some point this season, this is such a low blow to a player who has publically stated how much he love playing for the organization, its embarrassing.

Wilpons jab at Beltran, meanwhile, was just as laughable. He mentions Beltran’s huge postseason with the Houston Astros in 2004 and says, referring to himself: “We had some schmuck in New York who paid him based on that one series. He’s 65 to 70 percent of what he was.”

If he thought that was comedy material he is mistaken. Wilpon is the one who ordered Omar Minaya to sign Beltran to that big contract. Wilpon was the one who was amazed by Beltran’s 2004 post season. Beltran isn’t the player he was early on in the contract and will never be again. It is still no reason to poke fun at him for taking the called 3rd strike in the 2006 league championship series-even if Mets fans haven’t forgiven him. You have to wonder where were the jokes when Beltran was one of the key reasons they got to that point.

His comment about David Wright was the kicker: “Really good kid. A very good player. Not a superstar.”

Wright has only been the face of the franchise the last few seasons while so many teammates went down to injuries. When the Mets win he is front and center; when they lose he is in front of the camera fielding questions. Wright’s power numbers dipped when the Mets moved to Citi Field, but not his integrity to play for a team and owner who can’t stay out of the spotlight off the field.  With all the problems this team has had in the public eye- do it really make sense to bashed the one guy who has proven to be a gamer day in and day out? He only played with an undiagnosed back injury for a month.

When the late George Steinbrenner publicly picked fights with players, it was charming yet entertaining. It was his personality, designed for motivation and lighting a fire within the team. In Wilpon’s case, it’s just pathetic and simply sad. Here is a guy who was taken for million’s in Bernie Madoff’s ponzi scam, being sued for $1 billion more by the victims of Madoff. I’ve got no problem trying to make sense of things with humor but never at the expense of your own team.

Wilpon should walk into the locker room and apologize to each player eye to eye like a man-if he still remembers how to actually be one after this. He should also fire his publicist for not pulling him to the side and warning him to be careful with his words, especially with to a journalist. With all that is wrong with the Mets these days, did they really need their sucker for an owner taking shots at their top players in print?

He called his team “snake-bitten” in the article. It’s been unfortunate with injuries perhaps but hard to see a team snake-bitten when all the problems were caused through ownership and the General Manager that worked for them. Fred Wilpon pulled a low punch, even for Mets standard, by bashing his players. The victims of Madoff’s scheme won’t have to discredit Wilpon’s character. as he is doing that to himself these days.

Reyes and Beltran are pretty much gone at some point because they are not getting big contracts from the Mets. Wright’s stature in the organization looks diminished with these remarks as well. They should be shown some pride and respect while they still wear Met uniforms. Wilpon is exactly why no one will be getting big contracts nor will any free agents be coming to Queens. At this point his best bet is to just fade out of the spotlight until portions of the team is finally sold and they can rebuild from yet another mess. Apparently rags-to-riches stories don’t include class or intelligence these days.


Osama bin Laden Is DEAD; Confirmed on Twitter

2 May

Bin Laden

Click the image below to get to the official, recently updated Twitter profile of America’s Most Wanted Terrorist, Osama bin Laden

THIS WEEK IN SPORTS

27 Aug

EM SPORTS

With another week as done as Tiger’s marriage (too soon?), EM!! takes a quick look back at all the major sports news that people were talking about this week…

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So Long, Sweet Lou

23 Aug

lou piniella

On Sunday, baseball lifer Lou Piniella stepped down as manager of the Chicago Cubs, going off quietly into the night in a 16-5 loss to the Atlanta Braves.

Piniella spent two decades playing in the Big Leagues for the Baltimore Orioles, Cleveland Indians, Kansas City Royals and New York Yankees. His managerial career included stints with the Yankees, Cincinnati Reds (where he won a World Series), Seattle Mariners (where he won a record-tying 116 games in a single season), Tampa Bay Devil Rays and Chicago Cubs. To many experts, baseball has lost a legend. (more…)

This Week In Sports

20 Aug

EM SPORTS

With another week as done as Glen Coffee’s career, EM!! takes a quick look back at all the major sports news that people were talking about this week…

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