All I Want For Christmas Is a Santa-Free Zone
6 Oct
In news just in, a group of Catholics in Germany has called for Santa Claus-free zones, saying that Santa Claus is “an invention of the advertising industry designed to boost sales” and has “little to do with the historical figure of St Nicolas.”
I couldn’t agree more. Do away with Santa, I say. He’s far from a good role model for kids. For example, he’s overweight because he sits around in his workshop all year, never getting any exercise, and then on Christmas Eve he gorges on all sorts of unhealthy foods like chocolate chip cookies and full-fat milk. That’s not an okay lifestyle.
Also, he’s hyperactive, and probably has bipolar disorder. After feeling depressed all year, around 24 December, he’s hit with delusions of grandeur and thinks he can just get on his sleigh and fly around the world in one night. He suffers from manic episodes and needs to get help, not deliver toys. But he refuses to acknowledge his problem.
Santa makes kids doubt their self worth. Supposedly, you get the toys that you requested if you were “good” this year, and if you don’t get all the toys you wanted, you wonder what you did wrong. Finally, Santa is creepy. Bring on those Santa Claus-free zones, in Germany, America, and everywhere else.
No comments yet