Suck It, Salmonella
19 Aug
Today, the world is a very sad place. Not because of any environmental disaster or international religious debate (well, yes, those too), but because there are 380 million less eggs. Apparently, hundreds of fried, scrambled, sunny-side up, and poached egg eating Americans have gotten sick from salmonella contaminated eggs in at least three states. For those of you who don’t know, there are 47 other states in America, and what’s a little salmonella poisoning going to do to you? Sure, if you definitively know that you have eggs from Wright Country Eggs, where the recalled eggs are from, then don’t start shoving hard-boiled’s down your throat. But come on, 380 million less eggs in the country?
I can’t imagine anything more frightening than that.
Personally, I like to think of the chickens, those poor chickens, crammed in their little cages with their hormone pumped abnormally large breasts and thighs…that’s how salmonella contaminated eggs are produced in the first place! So after they get all motile enterobacteria stricken, the CDC recalls hundreds of millions of eggs rendering all the egg-producing efforts of countless chickens, obsolete. Well guess what, salmonella can suck it.
Tonight, I’m going to feast on a massive plate of carbonara and chase it with three Nutella crepes. Thank you, God, for eggs.
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